How to Pet a Dog

From one expert dog petter to another

A guy approached and asked if he could pet Momo. He was awkward, socially, which made him relatable. He leaned over, his stiff cupped hand tapping the top of Momo’s head as if he was tapping keys on a keyboard. Momo was confused. I was confused and strangely delighted by this stranger’s clearly novel interaction. Their inability to interact with this animal made me wonder how they went about the rest of their life. Were they prone to accidents? What does their sock drawer look like? Or was this simply the first time they’ve pet a dog?

Boo, questioning the reason behind this random head scratch.

I have different petting styles for Yaya and Boo and had a different approach for Momo, too. Yaya gets a lot of pets behind his ears where his fur bunches up in thick weaves. It’s often coupled with the words “sweet baby” sung in the familiar soft alto vocal range used for dog-speak. Yaya is a rough and tumble kid. My pets with him can be playful and big and expressive and he’ll often match my energy. This often escalates to playful grunting and whimpering.

Boo gets long gentle pets down his back. He sheds relentlessly. With excessive petting, his hair will cover the floor like snow. As a result, gentle, one-directional strokes is our style. His face will often rest in my hand. He’ll look into my soul with his eyes half closed, often offering a deep inhale and exhale. Sometimes, it’s a legitimate growl. My thumb rubs his temple, my fingers scratch under his jaw. The way he looks at me tells me “that’s the spot”. It’s the same way Momo looked at me. He digs his head into my hand. He finds his way into my soul.

I have no doubt that you’re an expert dog petter. But have you ever had the thought that maybe this is a sort of relational fingerprint? Every human matched to every dog in a unique combination of rubs and scratches. In human relationships it’s mostly seen in the way a parent soothes a child or a loving touch in romantic relationships. The odd cat might allow it, too. But with a dog, it’s the unique expression of the friendship you share.

Yaya, also questioning my intentions.

Dr. Clive Wynne, a psychologist at Arizona State University specializing in dog behaviour, says the pleasure a dog experiences in the presence of humans is built into the dog genome. He calls it love. Dogs give us a connection to the world that not much else can. Always willing, always nearby. Is this openness to touch a part of the bargaining chip they used to facilitate their exodus from the wild into our living spaces?

As I write this, I’m warming up next to the fireplace. Yaya and Boo are curled up on either side, breathing their tiny breaths. Occasionally, I’ll reach out with my left hand to pet Yaya or my right to scratch Boo. A short reprise from writing, a moment to think of what I mean to say, a means of meditation while still very much connected to the world around me. I wonder if that guy ever learned how to pet a dog.

Boo, wondering why I’ve been chasing him around with my camera demanding to pet him.

Taking a photo of the dogs feels like another form of connection. A silent conversation between us. To me, it’s an act of appreciation, of capturing their presence in my life. To them, it might just be a moment of stillness before the next adventure. Petting feels similar: a shared experience that means one thing to me and something different to them. We’ll never fully understand what it’s like to be a dog, scratched by human hands, just as they’ll never fully grasp what it means for us to do the scratching.

A page from my book Find Momo Everywhere.

Yet, studies tell us that dogs feel something akin to love for us. I believe it. There’s a kind of magic in the way they lean into our touch, a silent affirmation of our bond. Maybe that’s why petting them feels so essential. It’s not just an expression of love, but a way of keeping the connection alive, moment by moment. As I sit here by the fire, my hands instinctively reaching for Yaya and Boo, I think about that stranger and his awkward attempt to pet Momo. Maybe he was afraid of dogs and this was a big step for him. Maybe he’s since learned to share a connection with animals in a big way. Or maybe not.

Much love,

Andrew, Yaya, & Boo

One of my favourites of Momo, in Malin Head, the most northerly point of mainland Ireland.

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Let’s Find Yaya & Boo At Home!

Let’s Find Momo Outdoors!

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