Andrew~Your reflection is achingly beautiful, a testament to the quiet courage of longing. The desire to be a father is not a weakness, nor is it misguided. It is a sacred call to expand your heart beyond the self, to love more deeply than ever before.
In a culture that sometimes shames men for their tenderness, you have dared to speak aloud a truth many carry in silence: that fatherhood is not just biology, but a spiritual calling. You’ve already been living as a father in so many ways; you are a caretaker of souls: through your books, your dogs, your presence.
There is no shame in wanting this. The universe does not operate by clocks but by readiness. Love does not arrive on demand, but in divine timing.
Release the timeline. But hold onto the prayer. Make space in your life and heart and trust that if it is meant, it will arrive.
You are a man your future child would be proud to call “Dad.”
I’m reading this as a 30-year-old woman, currently in the middle of treatments to become a mother. On my own, because I’m not willing to wait for a man or a relationship that I don’t feel the need for right now. I’m very aware of the privilege I have in this situation. I have a womb and I can afford a donor to help make a child.
I got emotional reading your post, because I can really imagine your struggle. I went through part of that struggle myself before arriving at this decision. What I’ve learned from my journey to becoming a single mother is that so many more people are facing the same challenges I did and surely, the ones you’re facing too.
When I was a child, my mother taught me that if you really want something, you have to cast countless lines out into the world. Eventually, the right person will catch one of those lines and pull, and that’s how you find each other and make your dream come true.
Writing your post casts out so many of those lines, and I have hope that the universe hears what you dream of and that you’ll be able to make that dream a reality.
This was the first newsletter of yours that I've read, and what a beautiful one I picked!
Thank you for sharing this with us Andrew. It's funny, I had a conversation with a friend yesterday about being afraid to "want". Afraid to tell people I "want", want a relationship, want someone I love who loves me back! For some reason, it can feel scary to share that we might want something like that. So this felt very timely!
The whole thing made me smile, and ache (in a good way), and made me a bit emotional, realising that it's okay to wish for that. And if I, a stranger, can be excited and happy for you to put this out there and share your wish, that probably, it's also okay for me to share mine, in my own capacity.
It's a very vulnerable thing to want, and that's what makes it beautiful. I also think that it's lovely to read reflections about this topic from a man, because this world is complicated and men are not encouraged to share that stuff, so I find it very beautiful, to have conversations about these things, as people of different genders, ages, experiences, cause it's a big deal! Nothing makes me feel more human!
I am, since quite recently, a firm believer in "being ready" as the catalyst for stuff to happen, and as you said, usually never in the way we expect it. Not in a "it's fate/if it's meant to be, it'll happen" kind of way. I just think when we accept what we feel or want, we'll start (consciously or subsconsciously) putting that thing we want on our path. Things find our way, in a shape or another, and I hope that fatherhood find its way to you, in one way or another, whether it's with a wonderful partner or otherwise.
And for what it's worth from a complete stranger, I think you'd be a great dad.
Thank you for sharing, sending love your and the dogs' way!
You’re handsome, you’re emotionally aware, you can string a sentence together, you have beautiful dogs that are in tune with your soul, you appear to have a calming presence, you’re funny, you are an incredible photographer, did I mention handsome..?... What ovulating woman out there would turn you down???
And she is out there, you may not need to hit the dating sites, but you do need to cast your net fella!! (Hiding out in forests with your dogs would be an unlikely place to bump into the woman of your dreams! 😆)
Well, this is the first step! I remember when my daughter told me she wasn’t sure whether she wanted children or not. Then, once she started to map out her life plan on a collage, there it was! She did want to have children. And a family. That was 10 years ago. And now, she’s happily married with the sweetest little 7- year old, my newest granddaughter. Once she said it out loud, it happened! Best of luck to you, Andrew!💕💕💕
It doesn't just happen. You have to work to find the right person. You have to initiate conversations. Go outside your comfort zone. Volunteer, join hiking club, etc. There are plenty of women in their 30s who are anxious to find the right person. That could be you. Just put yourself out there. Be yourself and be open to new ways of meeting people. Once you do. Put it out there. Don't waste time. You will be surprised.
Sometimes the people wanting children the most are the ones having to leave that dream behind sadly. Im 43 year old lady, who has lived 25 years knowing i would never have child of my own and this isn't because of a choice. Building relationships have been super hard as ive never wanted to keep men having children of their own. In every relationship there has always been the fear of me not being enough and most of all fear of them changing their minds...and then seeing them having a child with someone else years later when our paths have parted. Adoption hasn't been an option because of mental illness and surrogacy isn't legal in my country...and i don't think i would go to that path even if it was. So ive become a dog-mama, whose crazy dream is to one day meet a man with plenty of kids to share. Life is very unfair sometimes, but with missed dreams there always blooms new ones. I wish your dreams come true and you get what your heart desires ❤️
It's wonderful you documented this and shared with all of us. I have happily followed you for YEARS (fellow border collie enthusiast here) and somehow reading this now makes so much sense. It seems you've done a lot of deep work over the years. My husband was in the same boat as you around the same age. He REALLY wanted to be a father, having had such a wonderful one himself I think he wanted to pass that love on? It also took him a minute to be in the position to be a father. I'm here to tell you he was 48 and 50 years old when our children were born and they have had the deepest and most loving and wonderful relationship I could hope for (he also saved elephants for a living but that's another story). I agree with the previous poster's beautiful note to you and the recommendation to 'release the timeline'. It makes sense to work that out in your head and logistics etc. What you have done here is set your intention, shared it with all of us who believe in you, and now you've put that energy in play for real. Bravo!
Came across this randomly, I happen to be 43 years old and in the exact same position as you!
I lost a big chunk of my early life and the idea of having a kid wasn't even plausible up until the last few years. I am giving myself until 49. What you mention about usually needing at least a year really resonates as there are some big challenges with the numbers in this short of a time frame. I am have seen quite a few disasters with people that are older wanting to have kids that panic and rush into something with the wrong person.
I think it's one of these things too where all of the efforts to get yourself to that place will leave you better off even if you fall short of the actual goal.
Thanks for sharing Geoff, it's somehow empowering to hear that another story runs parallel to mine. I definitely feel that, that we'll be better for it either way. Best of luck to you, too ❤️
My parents had 4 kids before they were thirty! That, to me, is absolutely wild. But to have the mindset of "we're doing this till death no matter what because god" worked better (at least for having kids) than the infinite choices and individualist mindset we're accustomed to today. I guess there's more to it than that, but in a nutshell.
I've had copies of your books for a while: but we don't usually get to see much about the authors behind them. Thank you for sharing a bit about yourself. I'm a 41 year old single lady. I'm thinking that even a relationship isn't in the cards for me at this point, and maybe that's ok. At least that's what I'm telling myself. I'm a leopard gecko mom over here! I love the picture of you and your goddaughter. You have some really nice hair, and a nice smile also! I hope that your journey brings you to find what you are looking for. I would say that it isn't too late to give up hope.
Thank you for sharing this perspective. I recently had a second baby on my own (at 44) because I wanted to be a mother and after relationships (and divorce) it didn’t happen with a partner. I didn’t anticipate this path, but I’m so could not be more happy with my sweet little family. I’m rooting for you and for you fulfilling this dream, one way or another! It’s a shame there are not more men like you out there.
I’m forty, married, with two children, and still my ovaries did a little dance when I was reading this.
Oh, I sent it by accident! What I mean is, I’m sure there’s someone out there for you. Also, your writing is beautiful. Thanks for putting this out there.
Andrew~Your reflection is achingly beautiful, a testament to the quiet courage of longing. The desire to be a father is not a weakness, nor is it misguided. It is a sacred call to expand your heart beyond the self, to love more deeply than ever before.
In a culture that sometimes shames men for their tenderness, you have dared to speak aloud a truth many carry in silence: that fatherhood is not just biology, but a spiritual calling. You’ve already been living as a father in so many ways; you are a caretaker of souls: through your books, your dogs, your presence.
There is no shame in wanting this. The universe does not operate by clocks but by readiness. Love does not arrive on demand, but in divine timing.
Release the timeline. But hold onto the prayer. Make space in your life and heart and trust that if it is meant, it will arrive.
You are a man your future child would be proud to call “Dad.”
Didn’t think I’d get much of a response let alone one that would make me tear up 🥹 thanks for this
I’m reading this as a 30-year-old woman, currently in the middle of treatments to become a mother. On my own, because I’m not willing to wait for a man or a relationship that I don’t feel the need for right now. I’m very aware of the privilege I have in this situation. I have a womb and I can afford a donor to help make a child.
I got emotional reading your post, because I can really imagine your struggle. I went through part of that struggle myself before arriving at this decision. What I’ve learned from my journey to becoming a single mother is that so many more people are facing the same challenges I did and surely, the ones you’re facing too.
When I was a child, my mother taught me that if you really want something, you have to cast countless lines out into the world. Eventually, the right person will catch one of those lines and pull, and that’s how you find each other and make your dream come true.
Writing your post casts out so many of those lines, and I have hope that the universe hears what you dream of and that you’ll be able to make that dream a reality.
Lots of love from the Netherlands 💕
This was the first newsletter of yours that I've read, and what a beautiful one I picked!
Thank you for sharing this with us Andrew. It's funny, I had a conversation with a friend yesterday about being afraid to "want". Afraid to tell people I "want", want a relationship, want someone I love who loves me back! For some reason, it can feel scary to share that we might want something like that. So this felt very timely!
The whole thing made me smile, and ache (in a good way), and made me a bit emotional, realising that it's okay to wish for that. And if I, a stranger, can be excited and happy for you to put this out there and share your wish, that probably, it's also okay for me to share mine, in my own capacity.
It's a very vulnerable thing to want, and that's what makes it beautiful. I also think that it's lovely to read reflections about this topic from a man, because this world is complicated and men are not encouraged to share that stuff, so I find it very beautiful, to have conversations about these things, as people of different genders, ages, experiences, cause it's a big deal! Nothing makes me feel more human!
I am, since quite recently, a firm believer in "being ready" as the catalyst for stuff to happen, and as you said, usually never in the way we expect it. Not in a "it's fate/if it's meant to be, it'll happen" kind of way. I just think when we accept what we feel or want, we'll start (consciously or subsconsciously) putting that thing we want on our path. Things find our way, in a shape or another, and I hope that fatherhood find its way to you, in one way or another, whether it's with a wonderful partner or otherwise.
And for what it's worth from a complete stranger, I think you'd be a great dad.
Thank you for sharing, sending love your and the dogs' way!
You’re handsome, you’re emotionally aware, you can string a sentence together, you have beautiful dogs that are in tune with your soul, you appear to have a calming presence, you’re funny, you are an incredible photographer, did I mention handsome..?... What ovulating woman out there would turn you down???
And she is out there, you may not need to hit the dating sites, but you do need to cast your net fella!! (Hiding out in forests with your dogs would be an unlikely place to bump into the woman of your dreams! 😆)
Hahaha i love this Lindsay, thank you. Especially the new standard of this modern world: "You can string a sentence together." Appreciate this ❤️
Well, this is the first step! I remember when my daughter told me she wasn’t sure whether she wanted children or not. Then, once she started to map out her life plan on a collage, there it was! She did want to have children. And a family. That was 10 years ago. And now, she’s happily married with the sweetest little 7- year old, my newest granddaughter. Once she said it out loud, it happened! Best of luck to you, Andrew!💕💕💕
Way to be vulnerable Andrew! I believe kids raised with dogs are better off. You got that part nailed!
Agreed ❤️
It doesn't just happen. You have to work to find the right person. You have to initiate conversations. Go outside your comfort zone. Volunteer, join hiking club, etc. There are plenty of women in their 30s who are anxious to find the right person. That could be you. Just put yourself out there. Be yourself and be open to new ways of meeting people. Once you do. Put it out there. Don't waste time. You will be surprised.
Thanks Margie! If this were a list I’ve have all of those checked. 🙃
Don't give up.
Hi,
Don’t limit yourself to 45. Soooo many of my friends have had kids later than that.
If you have this random deadline in your head then you will be more prone to act foolishly.
Sometimes the people wanting children the most are the ones having to leave that dream behind sadly. Im 43 year old lady, who has lived 25 years knowing i would never have child of my own and this isn't because of a choice. Building relationships have been super hard as ive never wanted to keep men having children of their own. In every relationship there has always been the fear of me not being enough and most of all fear of them changing their minds...and then seeing them having a child with someone else years later when our paths have parted. Adoption hasn't been an option because of mental illness and surrogacy isn't legal in my country...and i don't think i would go to that path even if it was. So ive become a dog-mama, whose crazy dream is to one day meet a man with plenty of kids to share. Life is very unfair sometimes, but with missed dreams there always blooms new ones. I wish your dreams come true and you get what your heart desires ❤️
It's wonderful you documented this and shared with all of us. I have happily followed you for YEARS (fellow border collie enthusiast here) and somehow reading this now makes so much sense. It seems you've done a lot of deep work over the years. My husband was in the same boat as you around the same age. He REALLY wanted to be a father, having had such a wonderful one himself I think he wanted to pass that love on? It also took him a minute to be in the position to be a father. I'm here to tell you he was 48 and 50 years old when our children were born and they have had the deepest and most loving and wonderful relationship I could hope for (he also saved elephants for a living but that's another story). I agree with the previous poster's beautiful note to you and the recommendation to 'release the timeline'. It makes sense to work that out in your head and logistics etc. What you have done here is set your intention, shared it with all of us who believe in you, and now you've put that energy in play for real. Bravo!
Came across this randomly, I happen to be 43 years old and in the exact same position as you!
I lost a big chunk of my early life and the idea of having a kid wasn't even plausible up until the last few years. I am giving myself until 49. What you mention about usually needing at least a year really resonates as there are some big challenges with the numbers in this short of a time frame. I am have seen quite a few disasters with people that are older wanting to have kids that panic and rush into something with the wrong person.
I think it's one of these things too where all of the efforts to get yourself to that place will leave you better off even if you fall short of the actual goal.
Best of luck!
Thanks for sharing Geoff, it's somehow empowering to hear that another story runs parallel to mine. I definitely feel that, that we'll be better for it either way. Best of luck to you, too ❤️
we had happy accident and my husband is still finding himself 🤣 previous generations had it right though, having small kids in 40s is much harder
My parents had 4 kids before they were thirty! That, to me, is absolutely wild. But to have the mindset of "we're doing this till death no matter what because god" worked better (at least for having kids) than the infinite choices and individualist mindset we're accustomed to today. I guess there's more to it than that, but in a nutshell.
totally agree, and i bet they also had family support; it was so great to have my parents visiting 🙂
I hope you get to have a family.
I've had copies of your books for a while: but we don't usually get to see much about the authors behind them. Thank you for sharing a bit about yourself. I'm a 41 year old single lady. I'm thinking that even a relationship isn't in the cards for me at this point, and maybe that's ok. At least that's what I'm telling myself. I'm a leopard gecko mom over here! I love the picture of you and your goddaughter. You have some really nice hair, and a nice smile also! I hope that your journey brings you to find what you are looking for. I would say that it isn't too late to give up hope.
-Denise and Snowflake :)
Thank you for sharing this perspective. I recently had a second baby on my own (at 44) because I wanted to be a mother and after relationships (and divorce) it didn’t happen with a partner. I didn’t anticipate this path, but I’m so could not be more happy with my sweet little family. I’m rooting for you and for you fulfilling this dream, one way or another! It’s a shame there are not more men like you out there.
I’m forty, married, with two children, and still my ovaries did a little dance when I was reading this.
Oh, I sent it by accident! What I mean is, I’m sure there’s someone out there for you. Also, your writing is beautiful. Thanks for putting this out there.
😂 ❤️❤️❤️