I was working on my van in my driveway which rests between a mountain and the ocean. The neighbourhood sounds travelled up and down hill, kids playing down at the beach and an older couple in conversation in the opposite direction. I can’t hear their words, just the cadence and the music of their voices. The older couple are sharing slow constant monologues, droning on in long monotone breaths. The kids are explosive and throwing words back and forth in a performance of duality. I’m wedged between both extremes.
My young dogs keep the light of youth alive in me, as do my friends. Being outside every day for the dogs is also for me, and the outdoors is a youth serum. I remember my energy matching Momo’s when he was a senior dog on our slow pensive walks. I remember managing his old age and trying to train a puppy Boo. The dichotomies of young and old become more apparent as age becomes inescapable and our youthfulness is no longer all we have.
A year ago my body ached. My joints throbbed for months at a time from morning to night and I frantically researched autoimmune diseases certain that my health was in a downward spiral. My mental state matched my physical. I saw a doctor who suggested Zoloft and it sounded for the first time like a viable option. I spoke with friends whose lives have greatly improved with antidepressants. After serious consideration, I decided to forgo the medication and go all in on physical exercise. A year later, I feel like I’m 30 again. I have no joint pain, and my mood is equally boosted. Apologies for parading my health, but I’m new, and I’m brimming with optimism and life and hopeful for the future which seemed impossible before.
I was fascinated with my grandparents. Intimidated by their wealth of knowledge which I’d later realize was more an intangible wisdom. Wisdom, which is not necessarily knowledge, but a confident surrender to the unknowable. I want to be an old person who wears their smile well, generous with laughter, and surrounded by other bright souls. I think the practice begins today.
How can we hold onto this surrender and keep the naivety that affords us explosive conversation. Between the ever-changing ocean of our youth and the sage mountains of age. How can we embody our animated inner child and welcome equanimity? What does playful wisdom look like? And how do you hold onto youth?
With love,
Andrew, Yaya & Boo
"Wisdom, which is not necessarily knowledge, but a confident surrender to the unknowable" - words of wisdom right here
At first glance at the heading I thought you'd gone to the dark side promoting products lol. But of course it's as inspirational as always. I often think of "old" topics as I'm 66 now. One of the things I absolutely LOVE about aging is the wisdom!! The knowingness of life! Although Life will continue to surprise me, nowadays it just doesn't matter anymore! You described it exactly of your grandparents. I can now embrace the bad with the good as there's always a reason for it. I learn so much from every challenge I don't wish them away for anything.
Unfortunately, physically that's something else... I'm not your level of active by any means. I had a three year bout of chronic sciatica due to scoliosis. Although the sciatica is gone by the grace of the Universe, it's left me for all intents and purposes, paralyzed. I say that loosely because I can walk, about 10 feet. But my entire body has become completely atrophied. I have a monumental road ahead of me. But such is life! I don't feel sorry for myself at all. I yearn to have the days back where I can enjoy Nature with the best of them!! I dream of forests and oceans and clearings and meadows that I can run my hands through whatever lies ahead of me! I can't wait to be able to walk my dogs again!!
I love life - it has its ebbs and flows like anything else. This chapter happens to be regrowth.
I love your emails! Particularly the amazing images of your pups!! Thank you!!