I've lived with my anxious border collie mix for almost 13 years now. I can't tell you how many times I've been scrutinized by people assuming she was an abused dog, only to be told that I've had her since she was a puppy. Just last week, I was interviewing a new dog-sitter who was judging me hard for the medication Snoopea needs to get through every day. Makes me want to cry -- thinking of how isolating it has been -- feeling judged and like a 'bad' owner -- the 'wrong' person for this dog. I can explain all of the socialization, training and desensitization I've done -- I can explain what seemed to be the trigger for the cascade of instability in her -- I can show how I manage my life in order to give her the safest, most secure life possible -- but the underlying judgment remains.
Snoop is nearing her end of life -- hips are weakening -- days are less bright-eyed. And I wouldn't trade one moment of our time together. She has been a friend and the greatest teacher -- as all of our dogs are -- especially the challenging ones. We're in this boat together -- we save each other everyday.
With gratitude, Andrew, for your ever present authentic heart ...
Sadly, this is one of the BIGGEST misconceptions by dog and cat lovers about dog (and cat) behavior that results in lost dogs NOT being recovered by their families. When a person sees the skittish/anxios/fearful behavior they MISINTERPRET it as "abuse" and fail to realized the behavior is due to the dog's TEMPERAMENT (caused by genetics, DNA, and puppyhood experiences), and not its TREATMENT! With cats, that same skittish/fearful/ anxious behavior (TEMPERAMENT) is misinterpreted not as treatment, but as a lack of TAMNESS. In otherwords, anxious dogs are assumed to be ABUSED and anxious cats are assumed to be FERAL. And because of these misbeliefs, the finders won't even try to find the owner who lost the animal because they assume the original owner abused their dog and assume the feral cat has no home. It is truly sad...
I am an anxious human with an anxious/reactive dog (an almost 5-year old Husky mix), and I feel this so deeply, especially your quote to Yaya: I love you. But you make my life so hard. But I would die for you. But you’re so annoying sometimes.
My dog's reactivity is so bad that I can't take her out in public - she somehow goes into freeze, flight, and fight mode all at the same time. She barks at passersby and the Amazon delivery truck, she growls at other dogs, and is terrified of loud noises, strangers, and bicycles. But I wouldn't change her for anything. She's taught me there is no shame in a simple life with the comforts of your safe space and to enjoy the treats you have at home. She's taught me to keep your trusted inner circle small (it's all about quality not quantity). She's taught me that everyone has an unknown past, and that we all need to be treated with softness and understanding.
A dream of mine would be to travel somewhere new with her, but for now, walking a few houses down in our own neighborhood with her is fine with me.
Thank you for showing us all that we are not alone in our anxiety struggles.
All of the above, plus my lab/cattle dog rescue is a Velcro dog. It took a couple of years for him to completely trust me and now he follows me everywhere, all the time. The two of us anxiety ridden beings make quite a couple. Love him to bits.
I needed to hear this. Thanks for sharing. I always see amazing photos of your dogs, unleashed, without collars even... just roaming around in the wilderness... And Im like, he knows how to handle dogs because he's an expert. I have a 16-month old sweet dog that is my first ever dog. She also has some of the issues you are struggling with... I have spent a lot of money and time in training her as well as myself and its a daily struggle. I love her to bits, even though sometimes I think she doesnt love me back as much haha. So Im surprised to learn Im not the only one and even an "expert" like you can struggle with anxious dogs.
Farrrrr from an expert over here. I don't know much but the love I have for them. Give it more time, heaps of time, and boldly trust her when the setting is right, she may surprise you. One hard lesson that I've learned is that sometimes, you have to give them the opportunity to show us they're learning.
I'm fortunate to not be particularly anxious and neither of my dogs are particularly anxious. But I have had your "but all dogs are like this, right?" experience. I didn't realize until I got my lab that I had always had dogs with a working dog's brain - dogs that were looking for a job, eager to learn, eager to figure out what I wanted and do it. Then I got Sadie. She was another rescue in a long line of rescues but she wouldn't come to me when I called her. What? I've never had a dog that wasn't thrilled to come running when I called. I decided she was stupid. My friend Nancy, who had spent years as a dog trainer and groomer, took Sadie for a couple of days. When I went to pick Sadie up, Nancy just laughed at me. Stupid? Oh, no. Sadie is not stupid at all. She is probably the smartest dog you're ever had, she tells me. I just needed to approach her with that understanding. It made all the difference in the world. I'm so thankful I had someone more knowledgeable, more aware than I am to give me the heads up on what was going on. Sadie is still more self-involved than I would like but I know exactly where I can trust her and where I can't. It's worked out to be a great relationship.
I have an anxious dog. I've always joked that if I was being mugged, he would push me towards the mugger and run the other direction. But, I love that about him. His timidity in the world helps make me stronger. It gives me something to protect fiercely. I want his life to have ease, and I am the one he expects to give it to him.
Now we have a second dog who has anxiety, but its different. She is a fierce little Chihuahua that stands up to dogs about 100 times her size, but sometimes shows anxiety about how we will treat and care for her. She makes me slow down and approach my interactions with her from a place of calm and love. When I feel my frustration rise as I'm trying to gently put her harness on and she's getting scared, I have to slow down and not get frustrated or everything gets worse.
Both of these dogs are giving me windows into ways that I need to be with myself. Patient, kind, loving, gentle, and an abundance of belief that I am enough...just as I am. Thank you for giving me this insight through your story.
Today I was walking my anxious reactive dog. Me, chronically anxious, and in the middle of moving home and starting a new job, told my anxious 11 y/o boy (he never got the memo about his age, acts like a puppy) "let's go for a hike". I've worked long and hard with him, so much love, so much patience, so many lessons about my own anxiety, about his fears. I see a trigger: a Spaniel. Every since one scared him through and through some years ago, he smells one in the distance and just loses himself. So I spot the dog and put Jarvis on the lead. As we approach the owner, a man in his 70s, and his dog, I say "let's give them space" and Jarvis and myself park to one side. The older gentleman, ignoring/unaware of my want for space, lets his spaniel approach us, off the lead: jarvis lunges. He never bites, he just lunges. He is on a lead and normally even when he is reactive I can get him to reconnect with me and feel safe. Except this time, he pulls a muscle. It's happening more often. I know I need to book a physio. He yelps like he has never yelped before. I drop to my knees, tears of guilt, my heart, my heart, worry and anxiety streaming down my face. I check him: "ay, you silly boy, why did you have to go to that?" The man and his dog, stares, then: "why is he so vicious? Why is your dog so vicious"? I explain, not vicious, scared. The insists. I say he is scared "what? of my dog? He's done nothing." he is and older boy, he is 11, has some pain. "Mine too" he retorts "but he aint vicious". He still does not walk away, tears properly staining my face, as my boy looks up and I feel like I failed him. The man won't relent "your dog should wear a muzzle". I retort: "He has no teeth - a lie, but I just want the man to leave is alone.' "Oh I didn't know that" Of course he doesn't. He doesn't know that ever since I adopted Jarvis I became his guardian, to help him feel safe, the dog trainers I worked with to understand his fears, the books I've read, courses I've done, how Jarvis was the "top dog" in dog training, first of his class, thief of hearts. That he is so 'rehabilitated' he now lives with a cat. That his separation anxiety rules my love and still, I work hard for him. More tears. Ugh. And yes, despite doing the responsible thing and having my dog on a lead, still, I am in the wrong. I am the bad owner. My reactive dog, the vicious beast.
We love them so hard. They teach us so much. Jarvis is now sleeping soundly. 5 minutes after that upsetting encounter he was playing 'off lead' with an italian greyhound. I'm still shaken. But glad I read your newsletter today x
Omg. I can feel your pain and frustration. Me and Moose both struggle with anxiety. He’s a senior border collie cocker spaniel fox terrier chihuahua mix (according to his DNA test) and he definitely has all the traits of each mixed into a lovely conglomeration of an anxious 38lb dog whose hind legs and muzzle are too tiny for the rest of his body 😆 but we adore him and all his quirks.
He would definitely prefer a world with no other dogs just cats and only people we invite into our home after he scares the crap out of them when they first arrive, but he will practically sit in their laps, sniff their faces ever so gently, but never licking their faces, all while using his big bulging brown eyes to tell our guests so many lies of how we ignore his every need as he sops up all the attention. This only last about 30 mins then he wants his own personal space back. He’s so perfect 🥰
We got Moose a warning sign from Etsy that goes on his leash, it has helped quite a bit when we walk him and encounter other people and dogs. it doesn’t stop him from overreacting but it helps warn others that we may have a potential heated encounter so they may want to give us some extra space. Thank god he’s small. Not sure what I’d do if he was bigger. I may consider getting a T-shirt for myself though that says the same thing as his warning sign: STOP Nervous Rescue I Need Space
I have an anxious dog. He wasn’t born anxious but a few tough months of things happening made him anxious. I am already an anxious person and it has made it hard. Initially he helped my anxiety but now sometimes I feel more anxious. It’s not his fault but it is hard. I still love him and his grey eyebrows so much.
Madeleine, I soooo feel this. Sometimes I say having a dog with anxiety is balanced out between the anxiety they give us and the anxiety they take away. So it's kind of like not having a dog, but in truth, I'd rather have one in my life if I'm able to give them the best life and live mine a little better for them.
Oh my goodness this was written for me! Our Momo was Cookie, our very first boxer back in 2001. She was the smartest and most self-assured dog I have ever had. I admit I spent a lot more time working with her and training her that I have the four dogs since. When she passed in 2014 and we adopted Cora from a rescue in 2015, it could not have been more opposite. However Cora, with all of her anxieties, may me more aware of my own. She is the dog version of me. I saw a similar sentiment as yours a month or so ago in my Instagram account. And there's a bit of relief to hear someone say the same things that I have thought, as this makes me feel again today. I love her to pieces, probably more so because she is just like me, anxieties and all. And I always feel so bad when I am impatient or short with her, and she simply returns love. But I have to tell myself that is her way of reminding me that regardless of all my imperfections, she still loves me and I need to love myself. So cheers from one anxious dog owner with anxious dogs to another ❤️
Yessss! I could have written a whole post about how Yaya and Boo both mirror parts of myself. Yaya's anxious attachment 🙈 and Boo's need for alone time which directly competes with his fomo. The things we learn about ourselves aren't always the things we hope to be true about ourselves. Look at them head on is the best way forward.
Oh and what helps? Talking about it with people living with anxiety. Reading pieces like this. Holding my anxious boy closer, smelling his fur and knowing that in some twisted, ironic way, we were made to be together. I get him. I read him like a book. And he does the same with me.
Taking breaks whenever anyone offers to dogsit... those are golden. And in my particular case, adopting a very calm former street-cat that feels like a gift from the universe after two very anxious dogs ;)
Thanks for the timely reminder that we’re not alone in this journey! I’ve lost my perfect dog, Momo, and my anxiety came about after getting my genetically reactive puppy, Cody. As I started reading the first 3 words of your article, I thought it was written by me; feelings that are stuck inside my head that I wished I could express them like you did 🤍 Many are holding a naive belief, including my old self, that raising a dog consists of nothing but happiness and loyalty. This misconception leads to the invalidation of the true feelings in our situation. Frustration, is an understatement, especially when we’re also navigating through grief. Yet, it sums up nicely a million different struggles we are also facing every day. I hope you know that your words have touched so many, helped so many, and I am so grateful for your vulnerability in sharing them with all of us ❤️ Sending love and light your way 🌈
Thank you for sharing this, Andrew. It's so helpful to be reminded that not everything is as perfect as it seems. I've had several Momo-type dogs over the years. I'll admit to internally neener neener neenering a bit when encountering other dogs not as well behaved as mine and/or anxious-reactive. My current dog is perfect in every way EXCEPT she is so fearful of so many things and has many unidentifiable and changing anxieties. I believe she is also the canine equivalent of autistic and has short-term memory issues. It's a lot. The first year was incredibly frustrating. Then I read Debbie Jacobs "A Guide to Living with and Training a Fearful Dog." The most important message I took from her book is that I needed to adjust my expectations. I had to stop trying to make my dog be something she could never be. That simple mindset change made all the difference to me. We still work on training all the time. And I still get frustrated/embarrassed/annoyed. But I've also learned to appreciate my dog's good qualities and I've learned to not put her in situations that are outside her comfort zone. Inconvenient? Many times. Do I have to change what I want to do so that she can be safe? Absolutely. But she's my girl, through thick and thin.
“The most important message I took from her book is that I needed to adjust my expectations. I had to stop trying to make my dog be something she could never be.”
It’s always the very next dog that reconnects you with reality!
My once in a lifetime dog came between two anxious guys. The first, a wild Jack Russell with intense separation anxiety (I found him in the basement once. He dug through the floor and subfloor while I was away for the day), and the second is my current guy - Milo, a long legged muppet who has recently decided he’s fearful and reactive of everything.
My once in a lifetime dog, Maggie was easy. She was a mellow Kelpie who had babies just before she found us. She read my mind and my heart everyday. A major soul connection. I miss her! She reminds me regularly that she gave my Milo for a reason. He’s hilarious and beyond sweet, but a total jackass. He challenges me and although frustrating, I am learning so much about what I am capable of along the way.
Thank you for sharing your experience right now. It helps me feel like I’m not the only person who is going through it!
My son had a Border Collie, Haze, who was a Momo. Best dog ever! Could walk anywhere off leash including city streets, never met a stranger, loved everyone. I kept him a lot and fell in love with the breed. We have Sadie and Tucker now-they are not Hazes or Momos! They both have some strong BC quirks-Sadie over reacts to children on scooters or any time she perceives a child is in danger-like running into the ocean. Tucker doesn’t like other dogs when walking but is fine with them visiting us (our adult children both have dogs). I honestly thought Haze was what a BC was going to be like but I think the Sadie’s and Tuckers and Yaya’s are much more common and we were just incredibly lucky to have known the Momos and Hazes. We love them all though.
I've lived with my anxious border collie mix for almost 13 years now. I can't tell you how many times I've been scrutinized by people assuming she was an abused dog, only to be told that I've had her since she was a puppy. Just last week, I was interviewing a new dog-sitter who was judging me hard for the medication Snoopea needs to get through every day. Makes me want to cry -- thinking of how isolating it has been -- feeling judged and like a 'bad' owner -- the 'wrong' person for this dog. I can explain all of the socialization, training and desensitization I've done -- I can explain what seemed to be the trigger for the cascade of instability in her -- I can show how I manage my life in order to give her the safest, most secure life possible -- but the underlying judgment remains.
Snoop is nearing her end of life -- hips are weakening -- days are less bright-eyed. And I wouldn't trade one moment of our time together. She has been a friend and the greatest teacher -- as all of our dogs are -- especially the challenging ones. We're in this boat together -- we save each other everyday.
With gratitude, Andrew, for your ever present authentic heart ...
Wow, keep up the good work, A ❤️
I'm so sorry people have been so judgemental. 😔 why is it we humans so love a chance to look down from on high.
People who have never had an anxious dog really can't understand what it's like.
Sadly, this is one of the BIGGEST misconceptions by dog and cat lovers about dog (and cat) behavior that results in lost dogs NOT being recovered by their families. When a person sees the skittish/anxios/fearful behavior they MISINTERPRET it as "abuse" and fail to realized the behavior is due to the dog's TEMPERAMENT (caused by genetics, DNA, and puppyhood experiences), and not its TREATMENT! With cats, that same skittish/fearful/ anxious behavior (TEMPERAMENT) is misinterpreted not as treatment, but as a lack of TAMNESS. In otherwords, anxious dogs are assumed to be ABUSED and anxious cats are assumed to be FERAL. And because of these misbeliefs, the finders won't even try to find the owner who lost the animal because they assume the original owner abused their dog and assume the feral cat has no home. It is truly sad...
You are stronger for having loved unconditionally your canine family member. Thank you for being there.
I am an anxious human with an anxious/reactive dog (an almost 5-year old Husky mix), and I feel this so deeply, especially your quote to Yaya: I love you. But you make my life so hard. But I would die for you. But you’re so annoying sometimes.
My dog's reactivity is so bad that I can't take her out in public - she somehow goes into freeze, flight, and fight mode all at the same time. She barks at passersby and the Amazon delivery truck, she growls at other dogs, and is terrified of loud noises, strangers, and bicycles. But I wouldn't change her for anything. She's taught me there is no shame in a simple life with the comforts of your safe space and to enjoy the treats you have at home. She's taught me to keep your trusted inner circle small (it's all about quality not quantity). She's taught me that everyone has an unknown past, and that we all need to be treated with softness and understanding.
A dream of mine would be to travel somewhere new with her, but for now, walking a few houses down in our own neighborhood with her is fine with me.
Thank you for showing us all that we are not alone in our anxiety struggles.
What powerful lessons she's taught you. Give her a scratch from me, if she'll have it 🥲
“She's taught me that everyone has an unknown past, and that we all need to be treated with softness and understanding.” ❤️❤️❤️
All of the above, plus my lab/cattle dog rescue is a Velcro dog. It took a couple of years for him to completely trust me and now he follows me everywhere, all the time. The two of us anxiety ridden beings make quite a couple. Love him to bits.
I needed to hear this. Thanks for sharing. I always see amazing photos of your dogs, unleashed, without collars even... just roaming around in the wilderness... And Im like, he knows how to handle dogs because he's an expert. I have a 16-month old sweet dog that is my first ever dog. She also has some of the issues you are struggling with... I have spent a lot of money and time in training her as well as myself and its a daily struggle. I love her to bits, even though sometimes I think she doesnt love me back as much haha. So Im surprised to learn Im not the only one and even an "expert" like you can struggle with anxious dogs.
Farrrrr from an expert over here. I don't know much but the love I have for them. Give it more time, heaps of time, and boldly trust her when the setting is right, she may surprise you. One hard lesson that I've learned is that sometimes, you have to give them the opportunity to show us they're learning.
I'm fortunate to not be particularly anxious and neither of my dogs are particularly anxious. But I have had your "but all dogs are like this, right?" experience. I didn't realize until I got my lab that I had always had dogs with a working dog's brain - dogs that were looking for a job, eager to learn, eager to figure out what I wanted and do it. Then I got Sadie. She was another rescue in a long line of rescues but she wouldn't come to me when I called her. What? I've never had a dog that wasn't thrilled to come running when I called. I decided she was stupid. My friend Nancy, who had spent years as a dog trainer and groomer, took Sadie for a couple of days. When I went to pick Sadie up, Nancy just laughed at me. Stupid? Oh, no. Sadie is not stupid at all. She is probably the smartest dog you're ever had, she tells me. I just needed to approach her with that understanding. It made all the difference in the world. I'm so thankful I had someone more knowledgeable, more aware than I am to give me the heads up on what was going on. Sadie is still more self-involved than I would like but I know exactly where I can trust her and where I can't. It's worked out to be a great relationship.
I have an anxious dog. I've always joked that if I was being mugged, he would push me towards the mugger and run the other direction. But, I love that about him. His timidity in the world helps make me stronger. It gives me something to protect fiercely. I want his life to have ease, and I am the one he expects to give it to him.
Now we have a second dog who has anxiety, but its different. She is a fierce little Chihuahua that stands up to dogs about 100 times her size, but sometimes shows anxiety about how we will treat and care for her. She makes me slow down and approach my interactions with her from a place of calm and love. When I feel my frustration rise as I'm trying to gently put her harness on and she's getting scared, I have to slow down and not get frustrated or everything gets worse.
Both of these dogs are giving me windows into ways that I need to be with myself. Patient, kind, loving, gentle, and an abundance of belief that I am enough...just as I am. Thank you for giving me this insight through your story.
3 beautiful statements! Exactly why we need these souls in our lives!!
"I want his life to have ease..."
"She makes me slow down and approach my interactions with her from a place of calm and love."
"....these dogs are giving me windows into ways that I need to be with myself."
As a single anxious person with a single anxious dog, this resonated hard. Thank you for putting words to what is often not spoken about!
I see you 👀
Andrew... get out of my head.
Today I was walking my anxious reactive dog. Me, chronically anxious, and in the middle of moving home and starting a new job, told my anxious 11 y/o boy (he never got the memo about his age, acts like a puppy) "let's go for a hike". I've worked long and hard with him, so much love, so much patience, so many lessons about my own anxiety, about his fears. I see a trigger: a Spaniel. Every since one scared him through and through some years ago, he smells one in the distance and just loses himself. So I spot the dog and put Jarvis on the lead. As we approach the owner, a man in his 70s, and his dog, I say "let's give them space" and Jarvis and myself park to one side. The older gentleman, ignoring/unaware of my want for space, lets his spaniel approach us, off the lead: jarvis lunges. He never bites, he just lunges. He is on a lead and normally even when he is reactive I can get him to reconnect with me and feel safe. Except this time, he pulls a muscle. It's happening more often. I know I need to book a physio. He yelps like he has never yelped before. I drop to my knees, tears of guilt, my heart, my heart, worry and anxiety streaming down my face. I check him: "ay, you silly boy, why did you have to go to that?" The man and his dog, stares, then: "why is he so vicious? Why is your dog so vicious"? I explain, not vicious, scared. The insists. I say he is scared "what? of my dog? He's done nothing." he is and older boy, he is 11, has some pain. "Mine too" he retorts "but he aint vicious". He still does not walk away, tears properly staining my face, as my boy looks up and I feel like I failed him. The man won't relent "your dog should wear a muzzle". I retort: "He has no teeth - a lie, but I just want the man to leave is alone.' "Oh I didn't know that" Of course he doesn't. He doesn't know that ever since I adopted Jarvis I became his guardian, to help him feel safe, the dog trainers I worked with to understand his fears, the books I've read, courses I've done, how Jarvis was the "top dog" in dog training, first of his class, thief of hearts. That he is so 'rehabilitated' he now lives with a cat. That his separation anxiety rules my love and still, I work hard for him. More tears. Ugh. And yes, despite doing the responsible thing and having my dog on a lead, still, I am in the wrong. I am the bad owner. My reactive dog, the vicious beast.
We love them so hard. They teach us so much. Jarvis is now sleeping soundly. 5 minutes after that upsetting encounter he was playing 'off lead' with an italian greyhound. I'm still shaken. But glad I read your newsletter today x
Hugs to you. You are not in the wrong. Keep loving your boy!
Thank you x
I have an anxious dog too. And I love him to bits too. 🤷
Omg. I can feel your pain and frustration. Me and Moose both struggle with anxiety. He’s a senior border collie cocker spaniel fox terrier chihuahua mix (according to his DNA test) and he definitely has all the traits of each mixed into a lovely conglomeration of an anxious 38lb dog whose hind legs and muzzle are too tiny for the rest of his body 😆 but we adore him and all his quirks.
He would definitely prefer a world with no other dogs just cats and only people we invite into our home after he scares the crap out of them when they first arrive, but he will practically sit in their laps, sniff their faces ever so gently, but never licking their faces, all while using his big bulging brown eyes to tell our guests so many lies of how we ignore his every need as he sops up all the attention. This only last about 30 mins then he wants his own personal space back. He’s so perfect 🥰
We got Moose a warning sign from Etsy that goes on his leash, it has helped quite a bit when we walk him and encounter other people and dogs. it doesn’t stop him from overreacting but it helps warn others that we may have a potential heated encounter so they may want to give us some extra space. Thank god he’s small. Not sure what I’d do if he was bigger. I may consider getting a T-shirt for myself though that says the same thing as his warning sign: STOP Nervous Rescue I Need Space
I have an anxious dog. He wasn’t born anxious but a few tough months of things happening made him anxious. I am already an anxious person and it has made it hard. Initially he helped my anxiety but now sometimes I feel more anxious. It’s not his fault but it is hard. I still love him and his grey eyebrows so much.
Madeleine, I soooo feel this. Sometimes I say having a dog with anxiety is balanced out between the anxiety they give us and the anxiety they take away. So it's kind of like not having a dog, but in truth, I'd rather have one in my life if I'm able to give them the best life and live mine a little better for them.
Oh my goodness this was written for me! Our Momo was Cookie, our very first boxer back in 2001. She was the smartest and most self-assured dog I have ever had. I admit I spent a lot more time working with her and training her that I have the four dogs since. When she passed in 2014 and we adopted Cora from a rescue in 2015, it could not have been more opposite. However Cora, with all of her anxieties, may me more aware of my own. She is the dog version of me. I saw a similar sentiment as yours a month or so ago in my Instagram account. And there's a bit of relief to hear someone say the same things that I have thought, as this makes me feel again today. I love her to pieces, probably more so because she is just like me, anxieties and all. And I always feel so bad when I am impatient or short with her, and she simply returns love. But I have to tell myself that is her way of reminding me that regardless of all my imperfections, she still loves me and I need to love myself. So cheers from one anxious dog owner with anxious dogs to another ❤️
Yessss! I could have written a whole post about how Yaya and Boo both mirror parts of myself. Yaya's anxious attachment 🙈 and Boo's need for alone time which directly competes with his fomo. The things we learn about ourselves aren't always the things we hope to be true about ourselves. Look at them head on is the best way forward.
Oh and what helps? Talking about it with people living with anxiety. Reading pieces like this. Holding my anxious boy closer, smelling his fur and knowing that in some twisted, ironic way, we were made to be together. I get him. I read him like a book. And he does the same with me.
Taking breaks whenever anyone offers to dogsit... those are golden. And in my particular case, adopting a very calm former street-cat that feels like a gift from the universe after two very anxious dogs ;)
Cat is never something I consider but something I always wonder about. Hehe.
Thanks for the timely reminder that we’re not alone in this journey! I’ve lost my perfect dog, Momo, and my anxiety came about after getting my genetically reactive puppy, Cody. As I started reading the first 3 words of your article, I thought it was written by me; feelings that are stuck inside my head that I wished I could express them like you did 🤍 Many are holding a naive belief, including my old self, that raising a dog consists of nothing but happiness and loyalty. This misconception leads to the invalidation of the true feelings in our situation. Frustration, is an understatement, especially when we’re also navigating through grief. Yet, it sums up nicely a million different struggles we are also facing every day. I hope you know that your words have touched so many, helped so many, and I am so grateful for your vulnerability in sharing them with all of us ❤️ Sending love and light your way 🌈
Thank you for sharing this, Andrew. It's so helpful to be reminded that not everything is as perfect as it seems. I've had several Momo-type dogs over the years. I'll admit to internally neener neener neenering a bit when encountering other dogs not as well behaved as mine and/or anxious-reactive. My current dog is perfect in every way EXCEPT she is so fearful of so many things and has many unidentifiable and changing anxieties. I believe she is also the canine equivalent of autistic and has short-term memory issues. It's a lot. The first year was incredibly frustrating. Then I read Debbie Jacobs "A Guide to Living with and Training a Fearful Dog." The most important message I took from her book is that I needed to adjust my expectations. I had to stop trying to make my dog be something she could never be. That simple mindset change made all the difference to me. We still work on training all the time. And I still get frustrated/embarrassed/annoyed. But I've also learned to appreciate my dog's good qualities and I've learned to not put her in situations that are outside her comfort zone. Inconvenient? Many times. Do I have to change what I want to do so that she can be safe? Absolutely. But she's my girl, through thick and thin.
“The most important message I took from her book is that I needed to adjust my expectations. I had to stop trying to make my dog be something she could never be.”
Right on! ❤️
It’s always the very next dog that reconnects you with reality!
My once in a lifetime dog came between two anxious guys. The first, a wild Jack Russell with intense separation anxiety (I found him in the basement once. He dug through the floor and subfloor while I was away for the day), and the second is my current guy - Milo, a long legged muppet who has recently decided he’s fearful and reactive of everything.
My once in a lifetime dog, Maggie was easy. She was a mellow Kelpie who had babies just before she found us. She read my mind and my heart everyday. A major soul connection. I miss her! She reminds me regularly that she gave my Milo for a reason. He’s hilarious and beyond sweet, but a total jackass. He challenges me and although frustrating, I am learning so much about what I am capable of along the way.
Thank you for sharing your experience right now. It helps me feel like I’m not the only person who is going through it!
Smiling your way from Calgary!
My son had a Border Collie, Haze, who was a Momo. Best dog ever! Could walk anywhere off leash including city streets, never met a stranger, loved everyone. I kept him a lot and fell in love with the breed. We have Sadie and Tucker now-they are not Hazes or Momos! They both have some strong BC quirks-Sadie over reacts to children on scooters or any time she perceives a child is in danger-like running into the ocean. Tucker doesn’t like other dogs when walking but is fine with them visiting us (our adult children both have dogs). I honestly thought Haze was what a BC was going to be like but I think the Sadie’s and Tuckers and Yaya’s are much more common and we were just incredibly lucky to have known the Momos and Hazes. We love them all though.
Why do so many of us have well behaved first BCs that trick us into getting more 😂